To quote Lloyd Dobler "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

Monday, November 22, 2004

one martini + 5 Olives

I just realized that it has been months since I posted and NO ONE IS READING ME! Sorry, that is my needy side. It rarely shows itself. So things have been pretty interesting around here for the past ferw months. Here I sit after a day of caring for Kai (my best friend's son). The new baby was born only 4 days ago. I was privelidged to be at the birth. Colin & Dom asked me to be there. The birth was amazing. I won't forget it for the rest of my life. No one has ever honoured me like that. April ( the mid-wife) has gained even more respect from me. What she does is a truly amazing thing. It made me put so much that is going on in my life right now into context. My roommate, who's girlfriend has become a longterm visitor and who himself is a jackass, annoys me far less that usual given the events of the past week. I told him not too long ago that I am moving out, I need space and my own life. He just has no clue. Oi, I need to end right here and get back to this later because I am tired and I have a kayak gig tomorrow and I need sleep.
nighty night
more later

Monday, September 20, 2004

The culture of fear

This is how highly trained the new airport security screeners are:
Killer ninja bookmark confiscated from educator

Friday, August 27, 2004

A long week....................... and a good one

This last week was all about work and dive , work and dive. But today I am off. So here I sit listening to Sudden Rush, this hawaiian hip-hop group, now wait before you make some kind of snap judgement. These guys actually have a great band. They are all about Hawaiian Sovereignty. The music is a really intriguing mix between hawaiiana and traditional scratch and sample hip-hop. The radio stations here tend to play and over play the top 40 hawaiian music and after about a month of being here I could sing all the songs on the radio. They don't give Sudden Rush much airplay because they are very blatant about what they want to see for the future of Hawaii. And honestly I agree with them 100%.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Dogs .............better, me..................... tired

If you're at work and looking for an excuse to fool around on the internet for 5 minutes, check out www.moveon.org click on the 'taking on fox' link to have letters sent to the Federal Trade Commission, your Representative and Senator requesting that Fox news no longer be allowed to falsely advertise their news programming as "fair and balanced."
It's also a fun sight to poke around

nighty night

Monday, August 16, 2004

Today, I had the best intentions.........

But after paddling many miles and then coming home to the unruly two (dogs). And discovering that Ipo stole my new shoes, Cholly pooped in front of the entire Fairwinds crowd, which wasn't embarassing as much as annoying.....DAMMIT Ipo just peed on the floor..................I have to scream into the pillow now.................and then clean it up. I have had all the calm zapped out of me..............I must go now

Sunday, August 15, 2004

I have a thing for cowboys..........

Well, not real cowboys. I have a thing for this idealize cowboy from the old westerns. Maybe not even them, maybe just the image of them. They don't exist...............ah, that's it.....I have a thing for something that doesn't exist. Unless you go here, thanks to the internet I can find people who fit my weird little obsessions...........
Meet my internet husband : Lajos Kassai
"Lajos, this is everyone"

If you have the bandwidth download the film clip, he is..........words cannot describe him.

Ooops........I did it again

I need to pay more attention to those damned keystroke commands.............i keep deleting what i have written before I can save it.
Well, i guess it will give me time to rethink what i was writing.
In the meantime

What a beautiful face

I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me

Anna's ghost all around
Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me
Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees

Now how I remember you
How I would push my fingers through
Your mouth to make those muscles move
That made your voice so smooth and sweet
And now we keep where we don't know
All secrets sleep in winter clothes
With one you loved so long ago
Now he don't even know his name

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see
Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all

Thanks to Neutral Milk Hotel

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Crackin' damn good day Grommit!!!

So, today was okay. Got up crack before dawn early. Drove to the shop to pick up the truck and equipment and as usual Karen had coffee for me. I would marry her if she were a man and not already married to Geoff. But just the fact that she has coffee ready for me every morning is so schwank of her. Even though sometimes I suspect that she thinks that there is something between her husband and me. (Nothing, I swear, not my style). Annnnnyway, drove to the site. My people were already there. When the wife walked down the ramp towards the truck she had a huge armful of case o' beer. I thought "uh, okay....interesting choice of kayaking refreshments" But she had just cleaned up the upper parking area and was throwing the trash away. I had hope, these seemed like good people to spend the morning with.
Got them loaded onto the kayaks and off we went. It was one of those days were the trades could do anything so I took a gamble and headed towards the Hapuna site that I like. We made it in good time no one chummed the water, good thing. I beached the kayaks and we went a'snorkelin'. Nothing out of the usual but the usual is pretty damn nice here. Turtles and fishies and more turtles. Nothing that spectactular happened, but by the time I had loaded the equipment back on the trailer, i just felt calm. There was a local guy eating Opihi and he offered me some and we sat and talked while eating Opihi. I told him next time I would bring some hot sauce for it. Opihi is Hawaiian for "sticks to you".

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Dammit.............................

I wrote an whole entry and then hit the close window button (that shouldn't have happened today).
I was attempting to talk about how I have decided to take the journal in a different direction than i had planned. So here we go again................
I have always had a weight problem. Me and my sisters shared this. They went one way, I went the other. Maura was anorexic , and it killed her. Sarah started to follow that path but discovered her own truth and self and stopped it. (PS I will be using their real names because this is real.) Sarah might get mad, but Maura is dead and cannot get mad about it, too late. And our mother, she died 3 years after Maura.
Me, on the other hand, I ate my way through my adolesence. And it started in my late childhood. I have been attempting for a longtime to write about alot of the things that have happened to me. Every first sentence sounds horrible to me. The self-criticism that originally came from an external source rears its anger and starts the beating. I imagine it being read by someone else and it sounds horrid. Juvenile. Immature. And then I qwell it. So today I have published some of it here....................... you be the judge. And don't worry, you can't hurt me more than I have hurt myself.

Paragraph one:

Snow, summer and a horse that ate our apples off of the windowsill. It was always a battle for my mother to get me to eat meat. Something about the chewy emptiness of the gristle that appeared in my mouth after the brown, heavy taste disappeared that made me aware of the hole I felt I was always trying to fill. She would seat us down to a Sunday dinner of Beef Stroganoff and I could smell the dread before I even saw it. It would sit on my plate for so long that it turned to an even more disgusting congealed blob than I had envisioned before. And then the battle began, I had to sit at my plate until I could force this thing down. I ultimately thought of this as a form of stuffing, stuffing down the sobs I could feel just below my throat. They were sitting waiting for any reason to come out. I had no sympathy for my mother at that time. At the moment she only existed to make me eat this painful mess. If I could manage to eat this then I was praised, to me it made no sense and yet I yearned for the love behind the praise. And so I would try my best to choke it all down. The sobs and the globs. When I couldn’t my mother would sit me on the porch where it always felt like rain and wait and wait in hopes that I would end up famished and realize my love for this white and brown dish. Once I figured out how much the dog liked this dish I would sneak it to him, I would poke a hole in the screen on the porch and push as much as I could thru, I would wad the chewy pieces up in a napkin and then excuse myself to the bathroom (flush) until I was caught.


Monday, July 26, 2004

What to write....................... or not

I guess I should start by giving some background about myself.
My name is Kate.
I live in Hawaii.
I am not from here.
My family is very far away.
This is a good thing, for now.
I am 40.
I am single (but I live with my best friend and he is male)
UPDATE TO THIS LAST LINE....... I FINALLY KICKED HIM OUT (I will talk about it someday)
I love kids, but I don't want to have one. (trust me when I say this)
I work as a kayak guide
I work as a Dive guide
I work as a Concierge for a travel company (I will explain that later, it is my bread and butter)
I clean my landlord's house
I work alot!
My best friends live down the road.
I love this place
I consider myself very lucky
Eventhough there are a few things missing.
I like to order things just to get mail besides the Publishers Clearing House Giveaway



So, this is the first entry and I could try to be really pretentious and start posting the journal that I have been keeping for years. But I am no where near ready for that.
So for today you get a "List of things that suck" which seems fitting as I am in a good mood and it should be short:
1. Customers who don't tip.
2. Ruining the coffeemaker
3. The mud all over my bed
4. The mud all over the floor (bye bye security deposit)
5. The fact that I haven't really moved in here yet.
6. That I must clean today
7. That I love the dog, but she is obsessed with mud.
8. I have to clean out the fridge today and I don't want to.
9. I just bid on something that I could have bought new for less (next time research before you bid)
10. That shipping to Hawaii is multo expensivo
11. Whiners (this goes back to yesterdays customers)
12. People who are afraid of water (word of advice: DON'T GO KAYAKING!)